_"Why didn’t you wake me up?"_

Then I realized I couldn’t speak because I was used to it — whenever I wake up for Tahajjud prayer, my Yallabai and I pray together. But today I didn’t wake him.

Because while I was talking to him, I stood up again to start prayer with a loud _"ALLAHU AKBAR."_

I know Yallabai was looking at me and his body was already starting to heat up.

But I didn’t go close to him. Instead I went back and prayed 4 more rak'ahs. After that I sat and did my tasbih. My Yallabai prayed 6 rak'ahs.

By the time the call for the second prayer came, he got up, went to get his cap, put on his tasbih, turned off the bedroom light, looked at me and said:

_"I’m going to the mosque."_

I just nodded at him and raised my hands to wave, but he didn’t say anything. He just shook his head and left the bedroom, gently closing the bedroom door behind him like he was locking me out.

My heart sank. I sighed and told myself maybe he went out with the kids because I didn’t go out.

I didn’t go out after that until it was time for prayer. After prayer I looked outside and saw they had already left.

I came back to the room, sat down because I was supposed to, and brought out my Qur’an. I started reading because that’s what I wanted.

My heart felt peaceful and I was making good thoughts for myself. Alhamdulillah I found peace.

After I finished my reading in Suratul Maryam, I also did for Jidda.

I was reading with Baby in the room. I was teaching Baby when Yallabai came into the room.

They both knew I didn’t like to be disturbed when we were studying, so from where they were they greeted and he answered, then closed the room door without coming inside.

My mind wasn’t on it because my eyes were on the Qur’an in front of me. I said:

_"Good night."_

I didn’t know how he was feeling at that moment. He just answered softly:

_"I’m fine. Are you okay?"_

I didn’t answer him. I continued teaching Baby the lesson. I was tired, I saw that he stood up and left, and then I heard the sound of his door closing softly.

After we finished the lessons, we did our adhkar. Then I told Jidda to go and wash Baby while I removed my hijab and went to the kitchen.

I went into the girls’ room, then into the kitchen to make us tea and fry eggs for them.

I told them to break their fast with it and then go, because I was feeling in my heart that I couldn’t even cry.

It wasn’t a difficult job, but I wanted to do it because my whole body was hurting.